The show must go on...

By not taking up the opportunities, by saying no, by taking the route well taken and by just being contented with mediocrity there will be no doubts that life would have just been easier and possibly happier for me for there won't be extended pressures, concerns and plain exhaustions.

Taking the path that I am currently travelling on is certainly tough because of my intense hunger for my goals. It is tiring. It is straining my health. It is slowly morphing me into somebody else. At times I wonder whether all these worth my time and effort but I do know by not taking the risks I wouldn't have a chance to achieve what I want. To some, it is a form of enslaving oneself and thus losing one's freedom but to me freedom is achieving what I want. Failing to obtain my goals, I understand, would really enslave myself in this bloody rat race.

Giving up is not an option. Perhaps I have too much of it from the management that it has become so deeply ingrained in my mind. As a person who almost entirely rely on myself for emotional support this journey is indeed mind boggling, difficult and sometimes outright weird. Is this sustainable, I wonder.

Being told that I looked stressed, losing weight and shunning hangouts are certainly signs that this journey is taking a toll on me. I wonder whether I have regrets. No. In fact I am yearning for more and more. I have come to realise that I have become increasingly greedy which I do not know at what level is the contentment level.

I am physically exhausted, I am emotionally drained and partially blocked out mentally. What is really driving me on is this embedded spirit to fight and keep fighting. Stubbornly fighting and do not understand the meaning of surrender. Will this trait turn me into some ruthless individual devoid of humane touch?

Whatever it is I have to keep going on because I know I have a purpose for my existence in this realm. For what purpose? Only time and the efforts I put in will tell.

When will it close?

Hey Good or evil,

Oh God or devil,

I wonder what is the level,

Only to realise there isn't any,

And the path is narrow,

There are no signs to follow,

Suddenly all seems hollow,

I ponder, I wonder,

I wander the narrow path,

When will all the mess come to a close?

Will Of The People

I observed the Perak political and now a constitutional crisis with much amusement. Seriously, I think the Malaysian political scene is better than any political thrillers. I would gladly nominate the 'Malaysia: What it means to be in power' for an Oscar in the foreign film category.

Enough has been commented on the still on-going situation so I am not going to give my 2 cents on the Perak crisis or the Elizabeth Wong scandal. I am sure there is an information overload over the issues of the functions of a constitutional monarchy and morality in Malaysian politics. Also maybe I am just damn tired watching this real-life drama, though exciting but too draggy with no end in sight.

I don't care who was right or wrong but am very concerned about the state of the economy. It is a fact that the country's economy is running on an autopilot mode. Malaysia is not a republic so the term banana republic does not apply. Maybe BaNana Federation.

Whatever.

But I do feel strongly for the people of Perak who got cheated badly by the defections. I can feel their frustrations yet they, as rightful citizens of the state, are powerless to determine who or which party can lead them. In other words they are being dictated. This sense of frustration does not only apply in politics but also for each individual and the analogy of your belongings stolen by a thief who then walks free in the end rightly applies.

Now I can truly understand why the residents of Gwangju, South Korea in 1980 took up arms and started an uprising, which only lasted for 9 days after being crushed by the military, against the Chun Doo-hwan regime because the people of that city were surpressed to a dead end. Therefore they had no choice but to fight. To fight for a better tomorrow for their kids.

By the order of the day, it can be dangerous to go against the BN but I believe it is more dangerous to go against the people when they can take the bite no more. The people will and can crush a regime if they band together, especially so when bread and butter come lacking. So perhaps those in power, from either sides, please take note to becareful on trampling on the rights and aspirations of the people - They are your Boss.

Keeping our heads high

I can't help but feel that the world is descending into chaos on various fronts and magnitude. Is this a phase we ought to have? From the circumstances, I believe so and we are actually in the process of intensified evolution in economics, politics and in our societies.

The outcome from this intensified evolution would probably create a new world order and hopefully, a better world. It is just a matter of time but we are not very sure how long this will last.

At the moment, to my understanding, there is no one leader who could rally the world to battle the crisis. Every country is trying to clean up their own backyard, for example, buy locally made goods campaign which in the long run could dampen international trade and delay a global economic recovery.

From the war in Sri Lanka and Afghanistan, tensions in the Middle East, political unstability in South East Asia, and back in home front, the divide in parliament over the government's stimulas package are all indications of more troubles to come and it will take time to solve them.

As an individual I wonder what can I do? Look after myself of course and keep my head high and not let those troubles dampen my spirit. Is there all I can do? It depends on what I want - to go with the herd or make a difference. I prefer the latter option but I will need to clean up my own backyard first before attempting to help solve the problems at large.

Someone has to step forward and I will volunteer in this respect so that we can solve the problems together.

Having 1 cent in my pocket is just a cent but if I donate 1 cent together everyone else in the world there will be over a billion cents.

A Case Of Too Many Options Spoilt The Decision

We make decisions everyday, conciously or unconciously, and it's only natural.

Sometimes we ponder over a long time to make a decision and it becomes more complex when there are more options to choose from. By the time we make the final decision our original objective may have changed without us realising it rendering the decision made useless or ineffective.

The more options we have the further is the distraction from our goal as we are not as rational as we would like to think. Because of greed and/or fear we keep as many options open as possible which many are irrelevant to what we want to achieve.

Often the simplest decision-making process is the best decision process, like flipping a coin or striking out some options in order to open the right option we want to choose.

Taking a step back and ask ourselves what do we really want would, perhaps, help us to make the best decision because we are not as rational as we would like to think.